A Deadly Lecture
by Moonsetta
Summary: I made Raph, Donny and Mikey cry in a lot of my one-shots and stories. Leo's really angry…I'm dead aren't I? Funny, usually Raph's the one hunting me. HELP!


I don't own TMNT.

* * *

"Ok, Leonardo this is ridiculous!" I shouted as I hung onto the tree branch for dear life.

"Get down here Moonsetta!" the blue masked turtle shouted as he glared up at me.

I shook my head and pulled myself up onto the branch before reaching for the next highest one, "What did I ever do to you?"

"Well," the turtle mused, "Let's count them off shall we? Your first one-shot-"

"That was the Ultimate Ninja that poisoned you, not me, the creators wrote that into the show!"

"Fine then, I'll let 'Just A Zero' pass on this. But then, 'The Ultimate Truth of Heroes'-"

"That was the Foot and you were protecting Mikey!" I insisted while cowering against the trunk of the tree.

"I didn't even wake up in that story and you remember the conclusion he came to!"

"Of course I remember," I said, slowly calming down, "The ultimate truth that no one realizes is that, heroes are just victims that learned to save themselves."

"And must I mention," Leo continues, not caring about what I just said, "That in 'Simply Over Possessive' I'm still in a freaking coma!"

"The creature's gone now," I said as an excuse, "And don't you dare try to use 'Feel the Pain' in this argument, you woke up in that one and you can only blame your creators, that was based strait off an episode."

"Fine," he said while narrowing his eyes.

"Can I come down now?" I call out helplessly.

"If I see you set foot on the ground I will shove my sword down your throat!"

I gulped and grabbed onto the tree trunk, suddenly thinking the peaceful life of a tree hugger wasn't that bad.

"Now, back to your stories," Leo said with dripping with venom, "In 'Only Two' why the shell did I let the Foot capture us all in the first place!"

"There wouldn't have been a story," I defended.

"You're lucky I'm out of shurikens," Leo said with a hateful glare.

I glanced at the broken branches below with shurikens dotting their bark and gulped.

"Now would you be so kind to tell me when your story 'Where's Leo' is going to end? Am I going back to New York or staying in Japan?"

I shrugged, "I don't know, I haven't decided yet."

Leo sighed heavily and cut a nearby thick branch. I shivered and pressed myself closer to the tree.

"Now I'd talk to you about ISFMIADHM but Raph has a date set up with you for that."

"Oh come on!" I yelled to the sky, "Haven't you guys tried to hunt me down enough?"

"Not, until you learn," Leo said with a sly grin.

"What, the meaning of life?" I asked.

I fell back from a sharp pain in my skull, "What was that for!"

Leo tossed a small rock into the air only to let it fall back into his palm, "Just because I'm out of shurikens doesn't mean I can't hurt you. Now, I'd like to discuss 'Life By the Point of a Shuriken'. I want to know why the Foot are trying to hang me instead of just running me through with their weapons."

"I-I don't know," I said in a confused voice, "Ask them."

"They don't talk," Leo reminded me and threw another rock at my head.

"Ow!" I yelped and climbed higher, although I knew it wouldn't do much good, "You know? I know you could just climb up after me."

"Of course I know," Leo said, "But down here, I'm less tempted to run you through."

I shivered and hugged myself tightly.

"Now tell me, in your 'Lone Miracle' series, why is cloning suddenly possible?"

"It's not perfected, Bishop could copy your physical form but nothing else, they needed that empty shell to look like they had cut everything out of it."

"I'm going to personally sever your arm for that and because of what happened to Donatello in the aftermath."

"Oh, come on," I insisted in a sing song voice, "Who wouldn't want to see Donny go mental?"

I barely dodged the flying sword.

"Now remember," Leo said as I gazed an inch above my head at the shining blade, "I've got two swords and I won't miss next time, I promise you."

I gulped and climbed a few feet higher, Leo never breaks his promises, I know it.

"Now," Leo said and cleared his throat before smiling, "Your one-shot 'The Dark in the Lightness' I kind of like, I didn't like feeling betrayed by my family at that point. Yet, a few ideas later in 'Everything I Am' you have Raph sitting on a rooftop, in the rain, thinking I've been dead for five years!"

"Well, Raph would cry," I insisted.

"That's not the point!" Leo shouted.

"Why are you guys coming after me! There's dozens of other authors out there that have killed you all. I keep you all alive. You should be grateful."

"Trust me," Leo says slowly through gritted teeth, "After 'Tunes Among Memories' you will not get any sympathy from neither Raph, Donny, Splinter nor me."

"I didn't kill Mikey, and the Foot ambushed him. I did nothing!"

I got hit in the head with another rock, "Oh, come on. I'm just a teenager!"

Ignoring my protests, Leo continued on, "Oh and Raph's really angry after your one-shot, 'Leo's Death' so don't be expecting to find safety anywhere."

"It was an alternate dimension it doesn't go against the contract," I stated firmly and got hit in the head with yet, another rock.

Was it just me, or were those rocks getting bigger each time I got hit?

"I vowed I wouldn't kill Raph or any of his brothers, meaning you too Leo, but I hold no contracts with alternate dimensions of TMNT teams except my own, therefore giving me free reign in other dimensions. So Raph will hold to his side of the deal and not throw me into the river after hog tying me, again!"

Leo smiled slowly and deviously, "Oh yes, you hold that contract with Raph, but not with me."

"Opps," I muttered and slapped a hand over my mouth.

I heard the batter of a sword against the trunk of the tree below. I myself knew the trunk was only about eight inches thick and Leo's sword has made it through petrified wood and the metal of Shredder's armor. I only had one chance, the nearby rooftop. I prayed and jumped as the tree swayed.

* * *

Then I woke up! Yeah, now Leo's hunting me instead of Raph.

"MOONSETTA!"

I take a deep breath, GOTTA GO! I'M OUT OF HERE!

~Moonsetta


End file.
